Kärlek och ensamhet
So it has been a while. I was talking to my pal and professional gunbrother Erik Svedäng (he is not Russian) and he was a wee complaining about that he never got to see the new pictures I´ve painted in Photoshop lately (well, they are not actually pictures as much they are sketches, and I really want to stress this fact so there will be no mistakes in the future for anyone ((mainly myself since I might think drawing them in Photoshop will be enough in a spontaneous moment of sloth)) regarding this matter) since I only post them on facebook nowadays. I do this because I am
1) Partly a lazy bastard in a…well I dont own a suit as of yet, dont think I ever will but I really do like it when Leonard Cohen sings that line. Not much fond of him in other aspects though since I grew up with english musicals and his music is a little too….well dull really, there I said it, dull dull dull, in comparison to, oh I dont know, Starlight Express for example and
2) Not totally clear on what they are representing. I am not sure if I ever will be for that matter but I know it is what has come out of my head and my hands during a period in Paris when I had no studio to paint in (wich I do now, more on that later, sorry, I too hate it when someone writes “more on that later”). Hence they are sketches, waiting eagerly for me to drag them thowards a canvas of cloth and reanimate them in oil. I believe it will come clear when I have initiated that process and know it is truly going forward and bla bla and bla.
I do know this so far:
What I created in the beginning ( I mean that in the biblical sense since there was truly a something new that was given birth inside that which had not been before) played out almost like a phase of teenage youth. You know, when you rebel thowards all that has been before since you all uva sudden realise that you can make up your own mind about things, so you do just that to the extent of overdoing it really. Without nuance.
It was all symbols and very much in your face. Without nuance.
Stiff and uncompromising. Without nuance.
SO what the fuck do I care! I found that true light! This is me! You all motherfuckers who dont understand can go FUCK YOURSELVES!
I had no trust in my surroundings and felt I was the one who had it all figured out and I guess I should have felt that sometime before (as a younger boy) but lots of different stuff just kinda came in the way and it just became a little…prolonged.
But it was a period of emotion. Though ´twas perhaps very narrowly directed thowards one single goal. My own.
I lost interest in that, maybe because I started to understand what it was and the magic kinda got lost. In truth there is still some magic left there and I can still tap into that universe to get some balls (girls got balls too, just so we are clear on that and in case you did not know, but until there is a word that encompasses balls without the balls I´ll continue to refer to balls) and courage in the everlasting tumble that this world/life has turned out to be. Alas, I wanted to look further. Put some faith in love. Put some faith in like hope, man.
Started to regard my surroundings and just watch it some more. What were those people around me? Those fellow companions that inhabit our world as well as our race more commonly known as man? I found that there is love and solitude. Not love and hate. If this is true and what it means is what I want to look deeper into. And the best way (heck, the only way) for me to look deeper, ponder and meditate on stuff is to paint.
So I bought a big studio (yeah I put everything on the line again only this tyme the stakes are much higher, yipes) so that I could get this all sorted out. It needs to be big. I want to capture small and subtle emotions and make them grand. For that is truly what they are. We go through our everyday lives experiencing all these fleeting moments of such beauty (oh my god its a cliché) without realising there is something profoundly priceless about it all. That we have evolved into such extraordinary creatures who interact with eachother in such powerful ways (no im not talking about a barside brawl, that is not powerful at all although you might feel that way when that 200 pound bar stol comes crashing down over your head, it is the moment before the brawl that is the most powerful one. The rest is just a vomit) without really putting up an effort.
I´ve talked enough. There are some other themes creeping in there and the presence of computers is still abit unclear to me but I would guess it has something to do with me working on else.HeartBreak alongside everything else. Well, I started to think about all this whilst drawing concepts for for the game and that is why some of those will be a part of this thing I´ve come to call Love And Solitude.
Here is what I´ve come up with so far, although you´ll find more of those I´ve already posted related to this project in its rightful place: Love And Solitude. More sketches to come. And best of all. More paintings to come.