As I am. I drift off. I used to look at it as getting carried away. Carried away by this awesome force to states of mind that I did not wish to be relocated to. Its not even as much of a state of mind as a place where I dont recognize the surrounding that is so usually common to me.
I wonder what I am doing there. Why was I carried away? Did I do something wrong?
That is what got me thinking; the notion that it was supposedly something of my own doing that changed the pressence around me and me as an inhabitant. I was not being carried away by something else. I drifted off. Lost focus from the things that i believe are true, fair and comforting to the unbenefitial something wich I can only describe as a sinister dwelling.
As of late this has been a reccuring, most harsh, truth. Something I blame the surrounding for at first but after some contemplation realise is, as I stated, a doing I alone have control over. Maybe it is because of everything that has happened those past months and I wont bore you with the petty details as they are quite irrelevant . They are both good and bad, I´ll leave it at that.
But I drift off. It is this stream of ups and downs that we all experience in our everyday lives that suddenly gets interrupted by previously named force with relentless lack of empathy. And I get cought in its gaze. But the gaze helps me come to that important conclusion wich I could not find through the shallow state of straight and narrow routine. I get reconnected with my feelings. Its as if I am being told by myself what drives and what gives and if I am not careful I will be punished. For that is what it is. A blessing and a curse, cliché it may be; still what it is:
Convey your emotions and use them as your allies or they will become the one enemy you will not be able to defeat.
Dali said (or rather wrote) that to become a great artist one must fill two most important criterias.
1. Carry the name of Dali.
2. Be married to his wife.
The first criteria is merely a jest sprung from Dalis lack of humility thowards his own excellence but in the second he tries to explain the importance of commitment. He is not talking about his wife per se, he is rather implying that he has commited himself to art, much in the manner of marriage, and the reader needs to do the same if he/she hopes to reach a level of artistic enlightenment he already enjoys.
You cannot run from problems in a relationship or they will become a passive agressive pressence that slowly shatters what love might be present. Art is the same. Or not perhaps art. Being an artist and commiting to art is the same. Whatever you feel or wichever problems you might have need to be dealt with in your artistic manner; the gift as well as the price for wich it was given.
So I drift off, eventhough it may seem daunting at first, and choose a life less ordinary.
Taken, by my own force.
Watercolors and ink on paper 26 *21 (cm).